After each substantial piece of information you are given, summarise it briefly.

Why is summarising important?

▪ To give the conversation structure and show that you are actively listening.
▪ To confirm that you have understood correctly.
▪ Give the other person the opportunity to add to what you’ve said or to correct you.

Summarising: how do you apply it?

▪ Summarise the content in your own words. This shows that you really understand what was said. Repeating something verbatim is pointless.
▪ Use ‘you’ in your summary. After all, what matters is what the other person said and not your opinion.
▪ Incorporate both content and feeling in your summary.
▪ Check your summary.

Example:

‘So if I understand you correctly, you are saying that you find it frustrating to work with this person because he forgets or doesn’t keep his appointments… Is that correct?’